Eve Vaughn, Romance Author


BDSM in Romance
Wednesday, February 27th, 2013
Filed under Uncategorized


It’s almost been a year since Fifty Shades of Grey was released. In one year, the book took the world by storm, offended many, turned on more, opened the mainstream eyes to BDSM and then slowly, but surely slipped away. It’s still out there, circulating through the hands of eager women, prominently on display in bookstores and inspiring talk show hosts and news anchors alike, but the initial frenzy is gone.

While Fifty Shades of Grey has already had it’s 15 minutes of fame, some would say we have E.L. James to thank for making BDSM a well-known sexual lifestyle and for giving it a little more of a positive connotation. Although people actually involved in the lifestyle disagree, saying her portrayal was inaccurate, it hasn’t stopped thousands of women from flocking to their nearest Adam and Eve or hardware store to pick up the perfect accompaniment to their night of bondage and discipline. In fact, adult novelty stores saw an overall 50% raise in sales last year and toys like ben wa balls saw up to a 400% increase.

Psychologists hypothesize that the sudden interest in BDSM is due to the breaking of the “glass ceiling,” saying that women now need a place to relinquish their control and BDSM is the perfect way to do that. I don’t think they are entirely wrong, but BDSM has been around for centuries, long before the glass ceiling came down, and women and men have enjoyed it for just as long. It has more to do with power, trust and building a connection with your dom, master or partner–however you would like to refer to them or rather, however they want you to refer to them. It’s about giving yourself up entirely to someone and trusting them to take care of you and give you the pleasure that you both want and need. There’s something very freeing about that and I think Fifty Shades was able to show that to a lot of women (a
nd men).

With that said, what erotic romance focused on BDSM turn you on to it? Are you offended or intrigued by it? Why do you think that is? I think we all have our own reasons, maybe it’s something from our past, maybe we do like giving up the power, maybe it’s just something new we’ve never tried before? Whatever the reason, if it works, it works, if not, then try something else. There are plenty of fetishes for a reason.

If you’ve been thinking about trying BDSM, be sure to do your research. Fifty Shades can be a decent introduction, but it doesn’t really get into the nitty gritty. Be sure to communicate with your partner about what you do and don’t want, what your safe word is going to be and the parameters of your relationship. Above all else, you just want to make sure you and your relationship is protected, so don’t go in blindly. Begin to experiment and keep an open mind once you feel like you have a decent grasp on it all. And don’t be afraid to include props in your play like scarves, handcuffs, candles, sex toys and even books–reading erotic romance to each other would be a great way to get it started.

One comment to “BDSM in Romance”

  1. Wanda Dixon
    Comment
    1
      · February 28th, 2013 at 3:13 am · Link

    Wonderful piece Eve. I came to learn a lot about BDSM after reading Bridget Midway’s books. I’ve learned so much about sex since reading erotic books period over the last couple of years.I am intrigued by it, and I live out my fantasies through the books I read. Is it for me I do not think so.



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