Since January I’ve been trying to get in shape and go to the gym regularly and eat healthier. There are way too many health issues in my family and I want to nip it in the bud before I join the ranks of having medical issues as well. Anyway, here are some of my observations at the gym.

Why do people wait for the close up parking spot? Isn’t the point of going to the gym to get in shape. Why not walk the extra ten feet. Sheesh.

And to that one aerobics instructor who kept rolling her eyes because some of us couldn’t keep up with your complicated moves, F you. Not everyone will get the moves the first time. It takes practice but with your attitude you don’t have to worry about me messing up in your class again because I’m not coming back. It’s no wonder why your class is so small, because you’re a bitch.

And to the aerobics instructor who teaches cardio kickboxing thanks for your patience and encouragement. I will be back to your class. Although I was quite surprised you were playing DMX during class and not the clean version. I wouldn’t have expected that of you. *g* It was funny hearing the f word every time I did a squat.

I hate those super intense people in class who seem to get off from adding power to every kick and grunting like they’re having sex. It makes me want to punch you in the face, especially when I can barely breath and it feels like my lungs are about to explode. I hate you all.

And to the guy who was kicking really high in the red shorts, dude, invest in a jock strap. I saw your balls.

I do not want a personal trainer so stop trying to ambush me when I walk out of aerobics class. Lady, don’t you see me sweating already. Do you want to kill me?

My breasts are too big for jumping jacks. (ouch)

To the little guy in the biker shorts with the leathery skin, no, I don’t want you so stop flexing in front of me, you’re what? 5 foot nothing? What the hell do you think you could do with me?

To that tall drink of water who looked like a young Denzel, Michael Jordan hybrid, I’m married, but if anything happens to the hubby, call me. ( Just kidding, I love my husband. Hey I’m married, not dead)

I can’t take spin class anymore because those bikes hurt my special area.

I am really out of shape.